Back in the chemo chair again….this time with WiFi! Good times. So, mentally, I’ve divided my treatment into two parts, The Foothills, and The Mountain. The Foothills are the two cycles of R-ICE chemo that will clear up any undetected nasty cells, and then the Mountain is the stem cell transplant, 5-6 weeks of intensity that should leave me reborn and cancer free forever.

Yesterday I had my first Rituxan (the “R” in R-ICE) since July, and it was very reminiscent of my first-ever Rituxan experience. I had the much-recounted 40 minute flu, but it was worse. I sort of shut down and had a total attitude failure–I expected the chemo to be a cakewalk (in a been there, done there way) and feeling so bad in the moment just triggered a tidal wave of memories of how rotten I felt last spring and summer. I really don’t want to do this again. But, really? What other option do I have?

So here I am, Day 2 of 4 infusions for this first cycle. My friend Robin should be arriving shortly to keep me company. I’m getting new drugs, that I’ve never had, but there shouldn’t be any more infusion-related interactions….just all of the after-the-fact crud later this week. So, aside from the over-the-top number of urine samples I have to provide, today should be pretty pleasant, given the circumstances.

At home, the kids are thriving. They seem less thrown off by the changes in routine than the first time, and that is by design….they’ve been with our fantastic and loving babysitter for almost a year now, so upping the number of days they go over there is no big deal. We’ve arranged for Tuesday-afternoon playdates for Saski after preschool, so she’s out of the house all day Tuesday doing fun stuff. And the kids are older and have more developed relationships with their grandparents, so it is a treat for the kids to have them in the house, rather a suspicious set of circumstances that might indicate mom and dad are disappearing for a night or two away. Saski is very interested in my “medicine machine,” (PICC line) and keeps asking me if I still have a needle in my butt (which is how Peter rather ill-advisedly told her about my BMB) but last night, we were having a bedside talk about mommy going to the doctor so much, and I asked her if she had any questions. “Yes,” she said declaratively, followed by a dramatic pause. “How do I get more candy?”

So we’re fine :).

Hope you are too!

Love, Jen

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